10 Reasons To Buy A Place in Saarburg, God's Waiting Room

Are you looking for a new start in a new place? Saarburg may be what you are looking for. Here are 10 reasons: read on...

1. You can find a decent restaurant in about 30 minutes
Luxembourg is 15 minutes away, and France is 25 minutes away. You can be in Belgium in 45 minutes, even if you don't really want to. In any case, it means you can find a decent restaurant or supermarket in under an hour. Just find a border!

2. Need to get away from it? This is the place.
Fed up with your friends and family bothering you day-after-day with invitations and requests? Tired of city life? This is the idyll for you. Being an hour's drive from a major motorway, your friends and family will conclude that the journey isn't worth risking just for you and you'll only ever have to communicate with them by social media or Skype.

3. Do you enjoy receiving attention? You'll get it here!
You will always see net curtains twitching as you walk past houses on a Sunday morning! You will receive open-mouthed stares from farmhands as you pass them in the fields! You are guaranteed to get glances as you sit down on a café terrace that a long-term local believes is rightfully his/hers!

4. Do you like to feel intelligent and sophisticated? You will!
Tired of being the worst-dressed at parties? Feel like a tramp when you visit capital cities? Not very good at meaningful conversation? In Saarburg, you'll feel like a hybrid of Meryl Streep and Stephen Hawking's more intelligent, younger brother. Beware the downside, though: witch burning is not yet out of fashion...

5. Do you hate the Saturday afternoon shopping rush?
Then Saarburg could be the place for you, as the shops close on Saturday lunchtime and don't open again until Monday!

6. Religious and feel persecuted by secular society?
You can find inner peace here, where the church bells never stop ringing and the priest never stops giving mass. There are at least 20 more years of this ahead, as the youngest members are only in their early 60s! No mosques, synagogues, temples, kingdom halls or such like here though.

7. Want to learn German?
You can be immersed in German culture and life from day one. Despite being only a short drive from three other countries, nobody here speaks a word of anything else, so you can practise your German upon arrival!

8. Learn to eat local dishes!
Do you overuse flavourings like ginger, coriander, thyme, rosemary or garlic? You can throw all of them away now - the local food is made with pork, breadcrumbs and potatoes. And any elaborate things you might want to do you can just buy ready-made for you at the supermarket, where there is a choice between red, orange or yellow marinade for your pork - simple!

9. Do you like driving? This is the place for you!
Here in Saarburg, people don't take buses. They save the transport company the bother of having to drive you home by learning to drive themselves. Very considerate. So the bus just goes in the mornings and afternoons for the schools. It is still not legal for children to drive, but there is hope, and then all the buses here will be unnecessary!

10. Do you like consistency? You will find it here!
Every year, Saarburg organises various market festivals. Every year they are on the same dates. Every year you can find the same people at those festivals, both as merchants and visitors. One year something different was tried at one of the market festivals and it caused mass disorientation, so they changed it back to how it always was. In 2009, the wooden animal merchants pulled out due to ill health, causing bewilderment to hundreds of visitors who needed to be reassured that civilisation was not falling apart.

If you would like to fix an appointment to view one of a number of properties currently for sale in the "town", please contact the Evergreen Care Home, where one of the new arrivals will gladly sell you an enormous house that they alone occupied to the detriment of string of young families who have been looking to move into the area for a long time.