Starbucks closes in Saarburg after just 7 weeks

Devastating news for smoothie lovers in Saarburg: Starbucks has closed its outlet after only seven weeks. If you remember, back in August, we reported that the coffee multinational had opened a one-metre-square branch in Wasgau supermarket with a ribbon cut by the mayor.

It has now been taken away and replaced by a stack of Red Bull cans.

How it looks now

Hartmut Landei, the local man who championed its arrival, was today nowhere to be found. A neighbour said he had last seen him at the local travel agent asking how much a ticket to Seattle cost. He originally wanted to fly to Dublin to what he thought was the EU head office, but the travel agent told him all he would find there was a post box.

How it looked before

We called Starbucks in Seattle and were told it had closed due to lack of interest. However, they had been surprised by the arrival of a man from Saarburg who demanded rather vehemently to speak to the owner.

Commenting on its closure today, the mayor said, "What are smoothies? We never found out, but thanks Starbucks for giving us a try! Maybe we should just stick to what we know."

If the mayor's words come true, Saarburgers can look forward to many more years of onion cake and Dutch tourists stopping off for 24 hours on their way home from somewhere else.

Musical Comes To The Region

1980s musical Fame is currently taking Trier by storm. The final showing of the three-night theatre production of the 25-year-old TV series has almost sold out, and there are plans to bring other musicals to the area.

Local theatre enthusiast Hartmut Landei, 42, said, "I am too young to remember when it was first on TV, so this gave me the chance to catch up on some culture history. I saw the opening night and it was so good, I bought 20 tickets to see it again on 17th October when it closes and I'm able to drive people from Saarburg if they want to come." Landei has arranged a large bus to ferry people to the theatre from Saarburg.

As of yet only the Evergreen Retirement Home has been in touch about the possibility of taking several of their more robust residents, who remember the original TV series fondly, but the head of the centre was worried the excitement of the bright lights and the upbeat, ultra-modern music might affect those of a weaker constitution in an adverse way. In 2012, twelve of the residents were treated for traumatic stress after watching The Sound of Music. A further seven were arrested for disturbance of the peace during the final scenes as it became clear they were not going to get the ending they had hoped for.

Landei continued, "this will put Saarburg on the map, even if it is taking place 20 kilometres up the road."

Fame Das Musical (German only) is on at the Trier Theatre for one more showing on 17th October. Tickets are available now either through Hartmut Landei or the Trier Theatre box office.

Urban Life Special: City People Losing Ability To Walk And Drive

PRAGUE: The rise of a new phenomenon in the city, travelling to places without the need for your car, is driving a wedge between urban and rural communities. No longer in need of four wheels, these half-human, half-daleks driving what is known here as the Segway, are making the split between city and country much more pronounced. Without urban folk buying cars, the price of vehicles and fuel is set to rise within a decade.

What is worse, these abominations are making the pastime of walking outmoded.

This will have a knock-on effect for the rural economy: without the need to walk, village shoemakers, cobblers and sock darners will experience a drop in revenue.

It is a slippery slope to the human race losing feet and legs altogether, as the species mutates.

Red Car Spotted In Bland Town

On Thursday afternoon, our photo reporter was going through Saarburg looking for a story when he came upon this scene: the cautious, bland and featureless character of Saarburg's motoring community fell into shock at the sight of a car that would cause HR departments up and down Germany to question the sanity of its driver (first picture, far left). The traditional colours are grey, silver, blue and black.

In a "town" renowned for its dormitory lifestyle of cautious, characterless commuters who close their front doors at 6 and open them only if the pizza deliverer has been called, a red car would have caused quite a stir.

Local resident Hartmut Landei said: "A red car in Saarburg will lower the tone of the entire neighbourhood. It's no good for business and will make many in town worry for several days that house prices could suffer."

He went on: "For a town full of people whose one sole desire is to make it to the end of their lives without having done anything that could put the orderliness and regularity of their world in jeopardy, this is a game-changer."

It is thought Saarburg's population of nearly 6,000 residents were responsible for the temporary reduction in the speed of broadband in the town on Thursday evening, as locals went on Facebook to see if it was any of their friends who owned the car.

The perpetrator of the panic, the car's driver, was found to be Ms Amélie Laroche, a Frenchwoman who had crossed the border for a day to go shopping in Saarburg. Having not found any shops of note, she parked her car and went to eat a pizza before driving back to France.

The offending red car on the far left

How Saarburg used to look