Tuesday 20 November 2018

Trump forest fire row: better than Finland - this is how we do it in Germany

According to the President of the United States, in Finland they tend to nature by raking the forest floors, preventing fires. In Germany, in order to prioritise safety in all areas, we go one better.

It is wrong to think that outdoor areas, once vacuumed, will be bright enough to avoid any health and safety issues. As well as raking out the forest, we also make sure our gardens are at the pinnacle of cleanliness. Below are some of the techniques we use, demonstrated by Hartmut Landei:

Mopping the lawn:



In Germany, it is extra important to mop the lawn, to keep those blades of grass shining. We love shiny things here, so once the grass is mopped, we can sit in our double-thick-walled houses with our perfectly arranged furniture in an aesthetically designed layout and stare at the lawn for hours and hours knowing it's still a full 24 hours until we have to do it all again. Above, Hartmut Landei is taking care of the mopping, although he seems to have forgotten his yellow and black "Danger: Wet Floor" sign.

Dusting the hedges



As well as a clean lawn, we in Germany believe it is important to remove all the dirt that settles on the hedges. Here, Hartmut Landei is removing a cobweb from a tree above the hedge.


Polishing the stones



Keeping a shiny garden means also making sure the stones are well-polished. The gardener should be able to see the sun and the moon reflected in them. Each stone is fitted with a heater in case snow should fall on them,

Buffing up the herbs


An important part of a radiant garden is keeping the leaves on the herbs glowing with cleanliness. Here, Hartmut Landei demonstrates the technique of delicately wiping the leaves down before they get their buffing.

Putting the grass in the laundry


A final thing we do, if some of the grass is very dirty and is still not shining like the rest of the garden, is we put that part in the washing machine. Here, Hartmut Landei is putting a clump of grass in the drier after washing it along with the kitchen towels.

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